One
of the traps that many parents fall into is in wanting their athlete’s
success too much. It is, for you dads and moms, almost like you are
playing the game yourself through your athlete; if you are coaching your
athlete this challenge can be exponentially greater. When I was
coaching my daughter every game was a lethal combination of pleasure and
pain. I would live and die on every one of her at bats. It was as if
her success or failure was mine. Does that sound familiar to you?
Even
if you do not coach your athlete the challenge of wanting his/her success
too much is something you should look at for yourself and/or spouse or
other family members. Even if you were the best athlete of your
generation it is your athlete and not you playing the game. She/he must
make his/her own way which means making mistakes and not being perfect.
Remember, mastery is a journey not a destination. It’s funny in my own
head, when I critique my own daughter on her performance, I selectively
forget how often I struck out, made errors in the field and walked
hitters on the mound when I played the game. Do you do the same thing?
All
your athlete needs and desires from you is unconditional support and
love—whether he/she goes 4-4 or 0-4; scores 20 or scores zero; gives up two goals or gets a shutout; throws to TD passes or two INTs (you get the idea!). It’s time to stop taking your athlete's successes
and failures so personally.
In
a future blog I will cover the importance of your athlete’s ability to
recognize the factors she/he has and does not have control over. Well I
would say the same thing to you…you have no control over how your
athlete performs on the field. Sure you may spend countless hours
working with him/her on their game, and that is admirable. However, when he/she
puts the uniform on and crosses the white lines (or whatever the analogy is for your athlete's sport) it is far more healthy
for you and for him/her if you can “let go” of injecting yourself into his/her
performance and allow him/her to be the athlete, not you.
I’m
sorry to be the bearer of bad news, and believe me this has been a hard
one for the old athlete in me, but your playing days are over! Let him/her
have his/her day in the sun without you willing every outcome in the game to go their way.
If
you can remain calm and a somewhat impartial observer at your athlete’s
games (good luck with that, right?) both you and he/her will enjoy the
game a whole lot more. Sure it’s exciting and tremendously fulfilling to
see your athlete succeed, but what about when the emotional roller
coaster dips when he/she fails. How does that feel for you? Wanting your athlete's
success too much can begin to make the game unpleasant for both of you.
So enjoy watching your athlete play and achieve success on his/her own
without feeling the need to will it for him/her!
